Jared Foy How long will I cry and thou wilt not hear

Have you ever forgotten something?

Published November 7th, 2018 1:21 pm

Have you ever forgotten something and for the life of you couldn't remember? Maybe you remember that you were working really hard not to forget it. Important things like peoples' names, phone numbers, how to get to someone's house or to a business.

I think almost all of us have experienced a time when we've been in a new city; maybe while taking an excursion during a flight layover. Everything around you is fresh and new. You notice smells that you've never smelt. You see sights you've never seen (or maybe only in photos.) Maybe you've felt like you were vulnerable during this time, not knowing if someone would jump out from behind the dumpster in the alley you just crossed. Maybe you've held your purse just a little more firmly, or perhaps you checked to make sure your wallet is still in your back pocket. Now imagine that you get this feeling randomly throughout your day while you are just going about business as usual. That would be kind of frightening, right? That is how I live my life, day in and out.

Sometimes, I know I will have already met someone, or atleast thought I met them. Maybe even had a really pleasant conversation with them, maybe at sometime I had felt the emotional connection of interpersonal exchange with someone. And then upon meeting said person I will not know their face. They must know me because they are acting kindly to me, maybe they are waving to me or said hello. The pleasant emotion that I experienced when I had that conversation with them will appear to me. It is a very strange thing to experience an emotion that has absolutely zero cognitive context.

This is my experience from day to day. It's the experience that I have managed my whole life in various ways. Mostly, in order to maintain consistency I have simply opted to not strike up conversation with others. I've suppressed the parts of me that want to engage with people, feel their emotions, and exchange ideas. I've suppressed the parts of me that have been able to bond with other human beings, simply because it is far too dangerous to do so. The possible consequences aren't just a strange social interaction, but: "Maybe the next time I meet that person that I don't know, they will rape me or kill me."

Pretty irrational right? Ya, if I thought that way, I probably wouldn't interact with other people either.